The Science of Attraction: Similarity, Proximity, and Partner Selection

The Psychology of Attraction and Relationship Formation

Why We Choose Specific Partners

The phrase "Birds of a Feather Flock Together" encapsulates a fundamental question in social psychology: Why do we choose to form relationships with certain individuals and not others?

The first stage of any relationship is attraction.

Key Factors Influencing Interpersonal Attraction

Research identifies several crucial factors that determine who we are attracted to:

• Proximity
• Familiarity
• Physical Attractiveness
• Similarity
• Complementarity

Proximity and Familiarity

Studies on proximity have consistently shown that our immediate circle of friends often consists of people who live or work very close to us. Increased exposure leads to increased familiarity, which generally fosters liking.

Physical Attractiveness and Matching

The Matching Hypothesis supports the idea that we are attracted to people whose level of physical attractiveness is similar to our own.

However, the Beauty-Money Theory suggests that affluent individuals sometimes tend to marry partners who are significantly more attractive, indicating that resources can compensate for differences in physical appeal.

The Role of Similarity in Relationship Success

Similarity is often cited as one of the best predictors of relationship longevity in both friendship and marriage, and its role in initial attractiveness is well established (Berscheid and Reis, 1998).

Types of Similarity

We are attracted to people who share:

• Demographic Characteristics: Physical health, age, religion, level of education, and similar backgrounds.
• Cognitive Abilities: Attitudes, values, personality traits, and interests.

Music Preferences as a Social Tool

Rentfrow and Gosling (2006) studied university students’ messages over six weeks, finding that music was a main topic used to describe preferences, attitudes, and lifestyle. This supports the idea that shared musical preferences are necessary for social bonding and attraction.

Why Similarity is Preferred

Similar people are generally more accessible to us. We tend to live near, be educated with, and work alongside people who are similar to us in terms of background, socio-economic status, levels of intelligence, and interests. Furthermore, similarity is often easier to obtain and maintain. For example, pursuing a partner who is significantly more attractive or younger could imply higher risks of rejection.

Aron et al. (2006) suggested that our general preference for similarity is an evaluation of risks and costs. We may choose to relate with similar people because it is more likely that they will accept us.

Complementarity and Dissimilarity

Although many theories support the idea that similarity is necessary to form relationships, some other theories support that dissimilarity also attracts people. Studies have shown that dissimilarity is our preferred option, provided that we know in advance that the 'different' person likes us.

Winch et al. proposed the concept of Complementarity: our potential attraction to people who possess many of the characteristics that we lack, creating a balanced partnership.

Relationship Balance and Equity

Many theories, such as those proposed by Homans (1974), state that relationships exist most comfortably in a balanced or equitable state, where the perceived costs and rewards are fair for both partners.