Mastering Sales Psychology: Overcoming Reluctance and Principled Negotiation

Overcoming Common Sales Fears and Reluctance

6. Stage Fright: Fear of Public Speaking

What is Stage Fright?

Stage fright is the fear of speaking or presenting in front of others. This happens in meetings, group presentations, phone calls with multiple people, or public speeches. You get nervous, anxious, or even freeze up when it’s your turn to talk. It’s a fear of being judged, saying something wrong, or looking silly. Many salespeople feel this when they have to speak in front of groups, even if they are confident in one-on-one conversations.

How Does It Manifest?

• You feel nervous before meetings or presentations.
• Your voice shakes or your mind goes blank.
• You avoid speaking in group settings.
• You rehearse too much and still don’t feel ready.

Why Does This Fear Happen?

• A bad memory of speaking in public (like forgetting lines in school).
• Worrying too much about what people will think of you.
• Lack of confidence in your speaking skills.
• Being too focused on yourself instead of the message.

Problems Caused by Stage Fright:

• You miss chances to lead or impress others.
• You avoid public roles and stay “in the background.”
• You feel small or embarrassed, even when you know your material.
• You don’t grow as fast professionally.

How to Overcome Stage Fright:

• Prepare well, but don’t aim for perfection.
• Start with small groups to build confidence.
• Use breathing techniques to calm your nerves.
• Practice speaking more often, even in everyday life.

Example:

Laura has to present a product to a small group of clients. She prepares for hours, but when the time comes, she’s so nervous she forgets her lines and rushes through it. Later, she practices with a friend weekly and joins a small speaking group. Slowly, she becomes confident and even starts enjoying speaking in public.

7. Referral Aversion: Fear of Asking for Leads

What is Referral Aversion?

Referral Aversion is the fear of asking customers for referrals. Even if a client is happy with your work, you feel nervous about asking them if they know someone else who could use your service. You’re afraid they’ll think you’re annoying, desperate, or just trying to use them. Many salespeople believe that if they do a great job, referrals should come naturally. But the truth is, most clients won’t give you referrals unless you ask them directly.

What Does It Look Like?

• You end a sale and never ask the client if they know anyone else who might be interested.
• You think that asking for referrals will ruin the relationship.
• You feel anxious or embarrassed when the topic comes up.
• You wait for the “perfect moment” that never arrives.

Why Does This Fear Happen?

• You had a bad experience in the past asking for a referral.
• You’ve been taught that asking for favors is unprofessional.
• You think referrals should just happen by themselves.

Problems Caused by Referral Aversion:

• You miss easy sales opportunities from trusted sources.
• You work harder than you need to by only chasing new clients.
• You slow down your growth and earnings.
• You feel frustrated seeing others grow faster.

How to Fix Referral Aversion:

• Change your mindset: asking for referrals is not begging, it’s offering value.
• Ask in a friendly and simple way, such as: “If you know someone who might need this, I’d love to help them too.”
• Practice asking with friends or colleagues.
• Remember: happy clients usually like to help.

Example:

Tom is a real estate agent. His clients love his work, but he never asks them if they know someone else who wants to buy or sell a house. He thinks it’s too pushy. One day, his manager says: “Just ask in a nice way.” Tom tries it and is shocked—his client refers their cousin. That lead turns into a big sale.

9. Close Reluctance: Fear of Asking for the Sale

What is Close Reluctance?

Close Reluctance is the fear of asking for the sale. You can do everything else—build trust, give information, answer questions—but when it’s time to say, “Would you like to go ahead?” or “Shall we move forward?” you freeze up. Many people fear being pushy, rejected, or ruining the relationship. So they wait and hope the client will decide on their own. Spoiler alert: most don’t.

What Does It Look Like?

• You give a full presentation but never ask for a decision.
• You say, “Let me know what you think,” instead of closing.
• You avoid eye contact at the end of a pitch.
• You stall by saying, “Take your time,” when it’s time to act.

Why Does This Fear Happen?

• Fear of rejection or hearing “no.”
• Thinking closing is aggressive or annoying.
• Confusing confidence with pressure.
• Past bad experiences where the close felt awkward.

Problems Caused by Close Reluctance:

• Missed sales even with interested clients.
• You get stuck doing all the work with no results.
• You feel frustrated, knowing you got so close but didn’t finish.
• You lose money and confidence.

How to Fix Close Reluctance:

• Practice simple closes like: “Should we move forward?” or “Would you like to try it?”
• Learn to love hearing “no”—it just means clarity.
• Believe that asking for the sale is part of good service.
• Use trial closes throughout your talk (“How does that sound so far?”).
• Smile. Being calm and friendly makes closing natural.

Example:

Lena shows a product to a customer who seems interested. Instead of asking for the sale, she says, “Well, let me know.” The customer walks away. Her coach tells her to try, “Shall we get started?” She uses it next time—and makes the sale.

10. Hyper-Pro: Focusing on Image Over Action

What is Hyper-Pro?

Hyper-Pro is when a salesperson focuses too much on image and looking professional—but not enough on taking real action. They want to look successful instead of doing the things that make them successful. They spend more time polishing than prospecting. They might dress perfectly, use fancy language, and only go after “big” clients. But they ignore small but important tasks, like making daily calls or following up.

What Does It Look Like?

• They spend hours preparing slides, outfits, or rehearsing—but never pick up the phone.
• They only want high-level clients and reject small opportunities.
• They care more about being seen as smart or elegant than about getting results.

Why Does This Fear Happen?

• They doubt their natural value, so they cover it up with “professionalism.”
• They think being perfect will protect them from judgment.
• They learned to value appearance over action.

Problems Caused by Hyper-Pro Behavior:

• Very few real sales or prospects.
• Wasted time and money on appearance.
• Missed opportunities because they “don’t look big enough.”
• Frustration and burnout.

How to Fix Hyper-Pro:

• Focus on results, not image.
• Remember: clients care more about what you offer than how you dress.
• Schedule daily actions, not daily polishing.
• Accept imperfection. It builds connection.
• Track real outcomes—calls made, deals closed—not just appearances.

Example:

Julio wears great suits and has a polished pitch, but he barely makes any calls. He spends his time perfecting his social media instead of talking to clients. His friend says, “You look successful, but are you selling?” That hits him. He starts focusing on action—and finally sees results.

Mastering Negotiation Techniques

Soft, Hard, and Principled Negotiation Styles

In the world of negotiation, there are different styles that people use depending on their goals and mindset. The three main types discussed are soft, hard, and principled negotiation. Understanding how each style works helps us make better decisions during a negotiation and achieve more effective and fair results.

Soft Negotiation

Soft negotiation is based on friendliness and the desire to maintain a good relationship with the other party. People who use this approach usually see the other person as a friend, and they avoid conflict. Their main goal is to reach an agreement, even if it means accepting less favorable terms. Soft negotiators trust others easily and are ready to make concessions to keep the relationship smooth. They might even accept one-sided losses to reach an agreement. The problem with soft negotiation is that it can lead to weak outcomes where the person gives up too much just to avoid disagreement or tension.

Hard Negotiation

On the other hand, hard negotiation is more aggressive and competitive. The negotiator sees the other party as an opponent, not as a partner. The goal in this case is to win, no matter the cost. People who use a hard approach are tough on both the people and the problem. They apply pressure, make threats, and demand one-sided gains. Trust is not important to them, and they may even try to mislead the other party about their true limits. Although hard negotiators might succeed in the short term, their methods can damage relationships and make future negotiations more difficult.

Principled Negotiation

Between these two extremes is the principled negotiation, which was introduced by Fisher, Ury, and Patton in their book Getting to Yes. This approach tries to find a balance between soft and hard negotiation by focusing on fairness and reason. Principled negotiation is not about being nice or aggressive, but about solving problems in a logical and respectful way. One of the key ideas is to separate the people from the problem. This means treating the other person with respect, while still being firm on the issue being discussed.

Instead of focusing on fixed positions, principled negotiation looks at the interests behind those positions. For example, instead of saying “I want a lower price,” the negotiator might explain, “I need to save money because my budget is limited.” This allows both sides to understand each other better and find creative solutions. Another important part of principled negotiation is inventing options for mutual gain. This means thinking of solutions where both parties benefit, rather than just compromising or fighting over one idea. Also, it’s important to use objective criteria—facts, market data, expert opinions—to make fair decisions instead of just trying to apply pressure.

An example of how these styles differ could be a business contract between two companies. A soft negotiator might accept all the other company’s terms just to close the deal quickly. A hard negotiator might push aggressively for their own terms without considering the other party’s needs. But a principled negotiator would try to understand both sides, explore interests, propose fair options, and reach an agreement that is good for everyone.

In conclusion, each negotiation style brings different results. Soft negotiation values relationships but can lead to poor deals. Hard negotiation focuses on winning but can harm trust. Principled negotiation offers a smarter path. It helps people work together to reach agreements that are fair, efficient, and based on mutual respect. That is why principled negotiation is considered the best method by many professionals and is widely used in complex or long-term situations.

Creating Value for Mutually Beneficial Agreements

A mutually beneficial agreement is one where both parties feel satisfied with the result of the negotiation. This kind of agreement is not based on one side winning and the other losing, but on both sides working together to find a solution that brings value to each. The best way to reach such agreements is by combining competitive value-claiming with collaborative value creation.

Some people think that negotiations are only about getting the biggest possible piece of a limited pie. However, this mindset limits the possibilities of reaching better deals. Instead of only thinking about how much value we can take, we should also think about how to create more value. When both sides work together, they can make the pie bigger and share it in a way that is good for everyone.

Many negotiations involve more than just one issue. For example, in a business deal, the discussion is not only about price, but also about delivery time, service, warranties, future opportunities, and more. These extra issues give both parties the chance to make trade-offs. If one side cares more about one thing and the other cares about something else, they can exchange benefits and reach a better deal than just compromising on each item. For example, a buyer might care more about quality service and less about payment terms. The seller might be the opposite. In that case, they can each give a little on what matters less to them and gain more on what matters most.

The document gives some real-world examples of this kind of value creation:

• At Lincoln Center in New York, an agreement was reached with the Fisher family after many years of conflict. The center paid the family $15 million in exchange for the naming rights of a concert hall. The deal happened because the center finally understood and respected the family’s concerns.
• When Facebook bought Instagram, the key to the deal was that Facebook listened to Instagram’s founder and agreed to keep the company’s independence.
• Microsoft’s purchase of Nokia was also only possible after Microsoft agreed to meet Nokia’s conditions and provide financial support.

To create this kind of value, experts recommend three main strategies:

1. Share Information: Many people fear that showing their preferences makes them weak, but it actually helps both sides find better solutions.
2. Ask Questions and Listen Actively: Too often, people go into a negotiation only thinking about what they want to say. But asking and listening can help discover new possibilities.
3. Use MESO (Multiple Equivalent Simultaneous Offers): Instead of making just one offer, give three different options that are equally good for you. The other party can then choose their favorite or give feedback, which helps move the negotiation forward.

In the end, creating value means changing the way we think about negotiation. It’s not a fight to win, but a conversation to grow. When both sides are open, honest, and creative, they can find deals that are better than either imagined. This approach leads to stronger relationships, better results, and more sustainable agreements. That is why value creation is so important in today’s complex business world.