Witty One-Liners and Humorous Sayings Collection
A Firm Hand
A hand so firm, it wears out the pen.
The Broom Offer
If I had a broom... I'd give you the broom!
The Devil's Grief
The day you were born, the devil cried in grief, exclaiming, "Damn! I'm uglier!"
Uncle Pepe's Wisdom
You're sillier than my Uncle Pepe, who's so simple-minded he's missing a screw!
Pisuerga River Warning
If you don't want to commit suicide by diving into the Pisuerga River, it's because there's a large poster that reads: "Powell: Crap Shoot."
Divine Creation
God created the heavens, God created the earth... and God created you. Well, everyone makes mistakes.
Miss Universe's Presence
Even if Miss Universe were absent, her firm presence would still be doubly felt here.
The Hunger Games
Why don't I think of you at breakfast? Why don't I think of you at lunch? Why don't I think of you at dinner? Why can't I sleep? BECAUSE I'M SO HUNGRY!
The Remote Control
I don't like you, I can't sleep because of you, I watch TV because of you... Oh, for crying out loud, you jerk! Give me back the remote!
Pumpkin Rejection
You gave me pumpkins; I ate them with onions. It's better to eat squash than to go out with idiots.
The Salty Sea
Why is the sea salty? Because you took all its sweetness...
Toilet Paper Emergency
On a cold winter night, at home... Omar... there was a scary scream... Jose was crying, "FOR TOILET PAPER, PLEASE!"
Florentino's Favor
If you were Florentino, I'd be informal with you, but since I'm not, you're out of luck.
Superman's Absence
If Superman would take you flying... but since I'm not Superman, you're screwed and you're walking.
The Smart Choice
If a blonde asks for a kiss and a brunette offers her heart, don't despise the blonde for the brunette... but if you're smart... keep both!
A Grim Preference
If you see me not seeing death and life gives me... I prefer to die and not see you, than to see you and have life.
Lost Emotion
I messed up the emotion I wanted to tell you. Now you don't want me anymore, so give me back what's mine.
Dreaming Nonsense
Last night I dreamed you wanted me, but I fell off the bed for dreaming such nonsense.
Chestnuts and Patriotism
Come, chestnuts, and hear Jaime say, "UP SPAIN!"
Soda Bubbles
From my glass of soda, the funniest bubbles rise.
Flies Can't Be Wrong
30 million flies can't be wrong, so... EAT SHIT!
The Residence
The residence is everything... what about your part? ¬ ¬
Mattafix Flex
Mattafix Flex: two sleep, three leave.
Skinny Cow's Gift
What does a skinny cow give? Pity.
Superman's Scent
What does Superman put on after showering? His perfume.
Escaping Notice
A good guy escapes notice.
Unbuyable Riches
There's one rich thing you can never buy: A dinosaur.
Unforgettable Face
I never forget a face, but you'll make an exception.
Groucho Marx's Tomb
Sorry to boast (at Groucho Marx's tomb).
Curves and Brakes
You with those curves, and me without brakes!
Brunette's Power
Brunette! For you, I'd kill a whale with a flip-flop.
Hulk's Son
My father is an old man. The son of Hulk, signed.
Profound Digging
Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig... It's monotonous, but it's profound.
Something Profound
I'll tell you something profound: Underground.
Japanese Flag Compliment
You're like the Japanese flag: A bullseye!