Dating Your Best Friend's Ex: Relationship Advice and Priorities

An Informal Letter: Advice on a Difficult Dilemma

To: MILLS, Angela

From: SOLÀ, Ana

Hi Angela!

How are things? I hope all is great. I haven’t seen you for ages! I’m sorry I haven’t written for a while – I have been busy studying for final exams.

Addressing Your Relationship Dilemma

I see you have a big problem, a dilemma, and you really need tips to clarify your doubts. Personally, if I were in your situation, the first thing I would do is talk to your friend, Maria. The most important thing here is ensuring you don't break your friendship with her.

This is certainly a somewhat embarrassing situation for both parties. Let's look at the complexities:

• For Maria: She is your best friend, and you, Angela, like her ex-boyfriend, James. This could bring problems because a friend traditionally would not pursue the ex-boyfriend of her friend, just out of respect.
• The Counterpoint: Maria now has a new boyfriend, which suggests she no longer feels anything for James, her ex-boyfriend.
• For James: It is also a strange situation for James to go from being with Maria to being with her best friend. Honestly, I don't see that as ideal either.

Weighing Feelings vs. Friendship

Anyway, if you and James genuinely like and love each other, and Maria has moved on to rebuild her life, why shouldn't you try, right? Maria also has to understand that you can’t command feelings. If you and James are happy together, Maria must accept this relationship.

I don't know much about Maria, but I think she'll eventually understand your relationship. I think that Maria will be happy about this news.

What If Maria Reacts Negatively?

If you spoke with Maria about this situation and she felt angry or offended, what I would do is talk to James and agree to just be friends. Why? Because there are many guys in the world, but true friends can be counted on the fingers of one hand. Friendship is far more important than James, Angela. Although, I admit, that decision would feel a bit unfair and selfish in the meantime.

Family Update and Request

What else? Oh, yes, I also wanted to tell you that we miss you. Please, come back home; it’s the best thing you can do right now. All your family wants to see you.

Keep in touch and see you soon!

Your cousin who loves you,

Ana Solà.