Communicative Patterns and Interpersonal Styles for Better Relationships
Communicative Patterns: Style Level
STYLE LEVEL: All parts of the message follow the same direction, matching words with facial expression, body posture, and tone of voice. In addition, relationships become easier, freer, and more sincere, and people perceive less threat to their self-esteem.
The attitude resolves leveling breaks, opens dead ends, and builds bridges between people. When you level, you apologize for an act rather than for your existence. Also, show your feelings and you will move freely to offer an explanation — do not act like machines. Examples: Saying "I like you," with a warm voice and direct eye contact; "I’m furious with you," with a raspy voice and a tense face, looking directly at the person; "I tripped you ... sorry, did you hurt?"
Placater Style
PLACATER STYLE: Tries to please, often apologizes and avoids disagreement. Always seeks the approval of others. Thinks that gratitude is due for everything and may feel responsible for everything that goes wrong. Accepts criticism directed at them and may welcome anyone who wants to speak, no matter what they say. Has a mellow and humble attitude; they may feel they should keep their head up and always say yes to everything, regardless of how they feel or think.
Accuser Style
ACCUSER STYLE: The accuser is the one who finds fault. They adopt an attitude of superiority and occupy space with this stance, criticizing everything and everyone. If the accuser gets someone to obey them, they feel that the obedience validates them; given obedient behavior, they feel effective.
Calculator Style
CALCULATOR STYLE: Characteristics of a person with a calculator style include being fair, serene, emotionally cold, controlled, and very correct. They do not show feelings and can appear aloof. They may use long words to appear intelligent, remain stationary, have a concentrated mind, and speak in a monotone and dry way. Their ideal is no mistakes; they represent the ideal for many people: "Say the right thing ... Do not show emotion ... do not answer." Example: "I want to offer an apology; without realizing what I was doing, I hit your arm in passing. If I have caused any damage, please contact my lawyer."
Distractor Style
DISTRactor STYLE: Words: irrelevant, meaningless, or unrelated to the topic.
Body: Angled posture that signals "I’m going elsewhere." Inside: "No one cares; there is no place for me."
Whatever you do or say, the distractor is irrelevant to what others say or do. This person does not respond to the situation.
Characteristics of a distracted person:
- Too busy with movements of the mouth, body, arms, and legs.
- Never gets to the point with their words.
- Ignores questions; may respond with another topic or an unrelated question.
Consists of distracting the other person (the listener): evading questions or doing other things that take them out of the context in which they are.