Classic Humorous Short Stories and Jokes
The Late Student
Two guys enter the classroom and the teacher tells one of them:
Teacher: Student, why were you late?
Student: I was dreaming that I was traveling all over, I visited many countries, and woke up a little late.
Teacher: And you, student?
Student: I went to the airport to meet him!
The Butcher Shop
A lady enters a shop and says:
Lady: Give me the pig's head there.
Butcher: Sorry lady, but that is a mirror.
The New Teacher
A new teacher enters the classroom and says:
Teacher: Hello, my name is Largo.
Johnny: No matter, we have time.
The Language Barrier
On a boat, a Spaniard and an Englishman are traveling. The Englishman falls into the water and shouts:
Englishman: Help! Help! Help!
Spaniard: Gel I have not, but I have shampoo.
The Gates of Heaven
A line of nuns is waiting to enter heaven to see St. Peter:
- St. Peter: Sister Agnes, have you ever touched a male member?
- Sister Agnes: Yes, but only with one finger.
- St. Peter: Well, Sister, wash that finger in the holy water and enter.
The second nun approaches and St. Peter asks her the same question:
- Sister Dolores: Yes, I rubbed my hand.
- St. Peter: Well, Sister, wash your hand in the holy water and enter.
Suddenly, Sister Cantalicio comes running, pushing to the front row.
- St. Peter: Why are you in such a hurry, my child?
- Sister Cantalicio: If I have to gargle, I prefer to do it before Sister Pilar washes her backside.
The Miracle Doctor
Jesus Christ takes a shift as a doctor in Social Security. An invalid enters the office asking for help.
- Jesus: What is the problem?
- Patient: I cannot walk.
- Jesus: Get up and walk.
- Patient: I cannot!
- Jesus: I said get up and walk! NOW!
The patient gets up and walks out angrily. On leaving, other patients ask:
- Patients: Well? How is the new doctor?
- Patient: Like all the others! He didn't even look at me!
The Unusual Trio
The blind man says: "I see shadows!"
The deaf man says: "I hear footsteps!"
The lame man says: "Whoever it is, we've got him cornered!"
The Helpful Thief
| A thief enters a house at night and wakes up Lucio. The thief says: "I am seeking money!" Lucio replies: "What a great idea, wait until I turn on the light and we can look for it together!" |
A Parachute Comparison
What is a woman like a parachute? If it doesn't open, you fall!